It's a Wonderful Life

I don't remember the first time I watched "It's a Wonderful Life". I remember my long-ago bachelor days, watching the film on TV by myself in my apartment on Christmas Eve. Back then, the film was shown on different channels, maybe five or six times on Christmas Eve. You could watch it back-to-back. I remember being entranced by the story, and overwhelmed by James Stewart's superlative performance. I didn't really relate to the character of George Bailey at that time, I was too young, carefree, and lacking in responsibility. I just liked the movie, a lot.

Twenty-five years later, "It's a Wonderful Life" has become an undisputed holiday classic. The tradition began in our house about six years ago of watching it on Christmas Eve. The kids fell in love with the movie, and we now watch it every year. Think of that, a black and white movie, made in 1946 by Frank Capra, without any special effects, CGI, violence or sex, has become a tradition in our household and is beloved by a 17 year-old, a 16 year-old, and a 13 year-old. How in the world did that happen?

Not to mention that now, at the ripe old age of 50, I identify whole-heartedly with George Bailey. Like George, I had dreams of travel and success, of making tons of money, and not being tied down. Like George, I find myself in a dreary job doing something I don't particularly care for, responsible for supporting a wife and family. And like George, I sometimes question my worth and value to the world.

I think what truly entrances me about the film is the sequence where George is taken by Clarence back to his home town of Bedford Falls and shown what life would have been like if he had never existed. Until that point, the film is a charming, often amusing, somewhat poignant look at life in a small town and the sacrifices made by a good man. Once Clarence and George go back to the alternate version of Bedford Falls, however, the film turns frightening and almost nightmarish.

George gets to interact with his mother, wife, and numerous friends. None of them know who he is and are fearful of this stranger who insists that he knows them. He gets to see a cemetery on land that should be the housing development he helped create. He is shown the grave of his brother, who died as a child, instead of being saved by twelve year-old George, as shown in an early scene in the film. The town itself is a low-class, run-down place, dominated by sleazy bars and liquor stores, where no regular person can own a home, since there never was a George Bailey to help them out with his "nickel and dime Building and Loan." The Bailey Building and Loan went out of business years before and Uncle Billy went to prison, because there was no George to bail both of them out. George and Mary's home is nothing but an empty, abandoned shell, and Mary is the spinster librarian of the town, who doesn't recognize George and is fearful that he will attack her. By the end of the sequence, George can't help but realize that he really has had a "wonderful life" and has made a difference. By the way, if you really want to study great acting, just watch Jimmy Stewart in this sequence, as well as all the supporting actors playing polar opposites of the characters they have played throughout the rest of the film. In my opinion, it's one of the most superb ten minute sequences of any film, and it is what elevates the movie to its position of greatness.

And yes, I can't get away from this fact, it is the sequence that brings me to tears every time I watch it. I see a lot of myself in George Bailey and I have the same self-doubts and feelings of disappointment he displays in the film. And, like George, ultimately I would like to think that I've made a difference in the lives of some people, not just my family, but the clients I have served over the years, and the people I have helped. I would like to think that in my own way, I have made my little corner of the world a better place, and that I have mattered.

The last few years have been very tough for me. I have lost dear relatives and friends, I have been forced to re-locate and start over. My financial troubles have been devestating, and I have often thought of myself as a failure. In the back of my mind, however, is the nagging belief that despite all that, I have made a difference, I have mattered to a lot of people, and that I have had "a wonderful life." Maybe somewhere, there's an angel who has gotten their wings because of me. Maybe, just maybe, I really am like George Bailey.